The Gift or the Giver
by aflightoffancy
Summary: Alec gives Max an early Christmas gift. It'll take a while to be ready, and in the meantime the giver might become more important than the gift. MA
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Still not mine. Just borrowing.

Whew. I had a one shot started and couldn't get it to work, and a longer story started and it didn't cooperate either, but this one managed to fall into the fluffy Christmas story realm, so it apparently didn't mind being written at this time of year. Still, the chapters are pretty short, and I'll get them posted before the big day.

* * *

Max spotted Alec almost as soon as she entered Crash. He'd been MIA for more than two weeks and now there he was like nothing was wrong. He was leaning on the bar, relaxed, glass in hand, like the rest of the Transgenics weren't holed up in Terminal City, like they weren't all being hunted like rabid dogs by White and every other idiot in Seattle since their Jam Pony jobs had all very publicly gone down the toilet with the hostage mess, and like she and Alec weren't both going to have to leave before anyone recognized them and put two and two together.

Max stalked toward him and punched his arm, making him spill some of his scotch.

"Hey!" He flicked the spilled booze off his hand, then thought better of it and sucked the rest away.

"Where have you been?" she demanded. The first few days, she hadn't thought too much of it. She'd been a little worried when she'd tried to get hold of him and couldn't, but there hadn't been any rumors about a freak getting caught, or anything on the news. After that, she'd started worrying about White and his cult buddies. She'd checked out his place in TC, and then broken into his old apartment in town, but nothing had been out of place. She'd finally set Logan looking while she'd prowled around uselessly trying to find him.

"Aw," he grinned, "you were worried. I'm touched."

She punched his arm again, not pulling it, and he rocked back. "Ok, ok," he said placatingly. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything to you, but I had a good reason."

"Tell that to Joshua," she snapped. "He keeps howling and stress-painting." She poked a finger into his chest, making sure to hit a good pressure point. "We've had to take shifts to keep him from going out to look for you. He could have been caught and killed. Did you even think about that?"

Alec looked genuinely contrite, but he raised his hands. "Max, I told him!"

"What?"

"I told him I had something to do and I might be a while, but that I'd be back!"

Max rolled her eyes. "It's Joshua! He probably thought that meant you'd be back after dinner!"

"I…" His shoulders sagged, and Max realized he looked tired. Transgenics shouldn't look tired. "I'll talk to him. I'll go see him as soon as I'm done here."

"You do that," she said, but now she was worried again. Alec was usually all happy go lucky and carefree and I-laugh-in-the-face-of-danger.

"I will, Max. I woulda called, but there was… I couldn't."

He did sound apologetic. She still wanted to kick him for scaring them all, but she backed down a bit. "So where'd you go?"

Instead of answering, Alec leaned down and picked up something on the side opposite Max. He brought it up and placed it in front of her. It was a small metal case that would fit in her hand.

"What is it?"

"Merry Christmas, Max."

She gave him a look that she hoped told him he was an idiot. "It's barely July, you moron."

"Way to look a gift horse in the mouth."

"I have no idea what that means."

Alec sniffed. "Well, one of us didn't pay attention in Common Verbal Usage. Never ceases to amaze me why they were so hot to get you back. Nothing but trouble since the day I met you."

"Zip it. What is this?"

"Just open it."

Max popped open the clasp. Nestled inside was a vial of clear liquid in a sealed, unmarked bottle, the kind meant for dispensing medicine with a syringe. Alec reached into his jacket pocket and handed her a set of folded papers as well.

"What is this?"

"A cure for Logan. The papers give the specifics. Doses and all that."

"A cure?" She didn't care if there was awe in her voice. It was too good to be true. She carefully closed the lid on the foam-lined case to protect its precious cargo.

"So they tell me." He shrugged as if it were nothing. "It's a series of vaccinations. He has to have a shot a month for six months. By the end of the inoculations, the virus shouldn't bother him anymore."

"It's that easy?"

"Easy, she says." Alec chuffed in disbelief, looking down. "If only you knew what it took…"

Max finally tore her eyes away from the case and the papers to look at Alec. "What happened?"

Alec ran a hand through his hair, a bit of frustration showing on top of the exhaustion. "Nothing," he said and sighed. "Doesn't matter."

She really looked at him, unease settling in for good this time. "Maybe it does matter. I've spent the past two weeks trying to track you down, thinking… we thought…"

Max didn't want to remember what she'd thought or how scared she'd been, not that she'd really shown it, or would admit it to anyone. She'd been certain he was dead or captured and it had surprised her how much that idea bothered her. It had been surprising enough how many times she had reached for a phone to call him, or gone to ask for his help, before she realized he wasn't around.

Unaware of how badly shaken she'd been by the thought of losing him, Alec shrugged. "Don't worry about me, Maxie. I've got nine lives."

"Yeah, but you've already used sixteen."

He smirked. "Possible." Alec looked at her sideways, his expression turning serious again. He didn't look serious all that often, and Max had learned to pay attention when it happened. "Ya know…" He visibly decided against saying whatever it was. He trailed off and picked up his drink, draining it.

"Know what?"

"It's… you and Logan…"

"What about us?" she asked, irritation resurfacing. She hated when Alec brought up her relationship. He wasn't exactly one of their cheerleaders.

"I'd like to say I got the cure because I'm a great guy and I wanted you to be happy, but…"

"But?"

"Max, I did it because the virus is a problem for all of us. You guys have to be careful all the time and so do we that we don't bump you and knock you into him, or to help Logan when you guys mess up. It pulls our attention and our resources away from where it needs to be."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"It's not that you don't know it." He shook his head. "I've said it before. Virus or no virus, we're a danger to them. And there's more separating you two than that. Our paths, our _goals_ are different. It's not bad, necessarily, just different."

"And like I've said before, me and Logan are none of your business."

"So I got you a cure," he said, his tone flat. "Because I know you won't do what really needs to be done. I could take that danger out of the way at least. The rest I'll leave to you."

"Thanks for that," she said sarcastically, but she felt the weight of the metal case containing the cure in her hand. She took a breath to calm herself and said, "Really. Thank you, Alec."

He stood and threw some money down on the bar. "No problem," he said, and slapped a smile on his face.

Max didn't believe it for a second. Getting the cure had definitely been a problem.

"I'm gonna head out and talk to Josh." He gestured toward the case. "You'd better get that to Logan. You follow the directions and he should be immune to the virus by the end of the year."

"Six months," Max said, that feeling of awe returning, and, with it, anticipation. She could hardly wait. She had to get to Logan's. She had to tell him.

"Six months," he repeated. He stepped into her space and leaned forward. Max stood stock still as Alec placed a feather light kiss on her cheek. He stepped back and winked. "You'll have a _very_ merry Christmas this year."

Before she could answer or even move, Alec turned and bolted up the stairs out of Crash.

Max followed, but by the time she reached the door he was already out of sight. She held the metal case and papers close, then headed for Logan's.

* * *

 _So here we go… Let's see if we can't get these two crazy kids together by Christmas. Thanks for reading!_


	2. Chapter 2

Goodness! I am so happy there are a few kind souls still willing to read DA stories! So without further ado…

Chapter Two

* * *

August

"Have I mentioned how much I love it when you ask for help?"

"Shut it," Max snapped. "We just need a distraction."

"We need to get to the safe house," he countered.

They were pinned down by White's men, bullets flying just inches over their heads where they were crouched behind a mound of brick and garbage that used to be a building.

Since the Jam Pony incident, it was harder to get out of TC, but it wasn't impossible and bringing in supplies was a constant concern. Alec might be griping about getting shot at, but whenever she asked, he was there, front and center and his contacts and deal-making skills had become invaluable.

While things had changed, they had also stayed the same. White's people and the Sector Police still tried to pick them off on sight. As a result, they'd decided to set up safe houses in several spots around the city for anyone caught outside TC, and there was one close by. She and Alec just had to get to it. They'd been spotted on their way to a meet and hadn't even got the supplies yet.

"We're never going to get out of here if we don't do something," Alec said, looking around them in annoyance. There definitely wasn't much to see. Rubble blocked them in too many places and White's men were shooting at them from everywhere else. "Ok," he took a steadying breath, "I'm going to lay down some suppressing fire." He grasped his gun, readying himself. "You bolt and I'll follow."

Max frowned, but since she wasn't armed, they didn't have much choice as to who was going to try to get White's people to quit firing long enough for them to run for it.

Without waiting for a response, Alec threw himself to one side so he'd have a line of fire and began shooting. Max stood but still kept low and blurred down a nearby alley. A second later, Alec was right behind her. Max kicked open a door and after that it was a chase through abandoned buildings, dilapidated houses, down streets and alleys, through parks, and even one school. On and on it went, until finally the sounds of pursuit fell away.

They ducked down yet another alley and waited to see if White's goons still had their scent. Finally deciding they could relax, Max leaned back against the slimy brick wall. They'd been playing hide and seek for hours and she was beyond done with the game.

Alec fell against the wall beside her and bent forward, his hands on his knees. "I know we're in good shape and all, but even I don't like running that long," he said, sounding a bit winded.

"That's what happens when you're being chased by genetic freaks," Max commented.

"Only fair, I guess since that's kind of us, too." He straightened and mirrored her stance against the wall. "Running from the Sector Cops is just too easy. I always feel kind of sorry for them."

"Well, I don't. Their bullets move faster than they do and will kill us just as dead."

"Fair enough." Alec pushed away from the wall. "Come on. There's another safe house not too far from here. I say we hole up for the night and try to arrange the supply drop again for in the morning."

Max just nodded. She really didn't want to spend the whole night in a dumpy one room apartment with Alec, but she had to admit it was the most reasonable thing for them to do. If they headed back for TC like the cult people would expect them to do, one of White's men might spot them and then the chase would start all over again.

Alec led the way and Max followed, both keeping an eye out for anyone following. The safe houses weren't anything fancy, and they weren't really houses. They'd rented a craphole apartment here and there, places where there was a strict nobody notices anything policy and everybody had the sense to mind their own business.

This particular safe house was an apartment on the top floor of a building that had been a rat's nest even before the Pulse had turned everything back to the stone ages. They climbed an exterior staircase on a neighboring building and jumped to the roof of theirs. None of them bothered with keys. They could all pick a lock as easily as remembering which keys went to which safe house, so they stuck with their tried and true B&E skills.

Alec already had the lock picked to the roof access before Max could say anything about needing to hurry up. To be honest, the last month had been a lot... quieter. Alec did his job, and Max certainly didn't have anything to complain about, but since he'd come back with the cure, he'd just been... quiet.

Max took her turn opening the door to the apartment. It had been used several times since they'd chosen it. The apartment was empty except for a couple of blankets, and some shelf-stable food items kept in a locked cabinet in case some non-Transgenic decided to crash there. It wasn't meant to be anything other than a place to hide for a few hours and they weren't going to waste resources on it.

Alec closed the door and locked it. "Home sweet home," he muttered. "Or maybe dump crappy dump."

"You wanna go back out there and do another dance with White, be my guest."

Rather than offer a quick comeback, Alec just sighed. He walked around her and grabbed a blanket from the cabinet. He then leaned against the wall, slid down to sit on the floor and began to ball up the blanket, she supposed to use as a pillow. Apparently, he would rather take a nap than talk to her.

"You ok?" Max asked before she could think better of it.

"Yeah, sure," he answered, his tone dull. Not even an "I'm always all right," Max noted. He put the balled up blanket on the floor and slid sideways. He lay down, then spent a few seconds messing with the blanket until he was more comfortable.

"It's just... since you got back..."

"Back?" He cracked one eye open. "Back from where?"

"From wherever you got the cure."

Alec immediately shut down. He closed his eyes, and made a show of settling into his blanket/pillow. "Let it go," he said, and to Max's ears it was almost a plea.

Max crossed her arms and planted her feet. She was normally fine with suppressing emotions and refusing to talk, but she'd let it go too long already. "I've been trying to give you space and all," she said, "but you're still acting weird. Joshua is worried and I promised I'd talk to you so… This is me talking. You wanna tell me what happened?"

"No." He didn't even bother to open his eyes.

"M'I gonna have to beat it out of you?" she asked, going for deadpan.

"Max, we've been running from White's goons for hours. Can we just rest for a while and count ourselves lucky we got away."

"Yeah, we're the luckiest people ever born, or cooked up in a lab as the case may be. Now, talk."

Alec clenched his teeth and sat back up, his movements jerky and angry. He pulled his legs up so he could rest his arms on them, and did his best to look at ease, although he was anything but. She'd been around him enough now to know the difference.

"How's Logan?" he asked, going for a change in subject.

"He's fine. Already had his second shot."

Alec nodded. "Good. Haven't seen him much lately. Figured you two would be thick as thieves."

"He's busy. Eyes Only stuff. Better safe than sorry anyway 'til the virus is done."

He nodded again. "Yeah, I guess," he said, but it didn't sound like he meant it. She didn't know if he was annoyed that she and Logan were still an item at all, or if it was because he'd never understood why she and Logan hadn't been all over each other before the virus kept them apart.

"Logan had another lab verify the stuff you brought back. They said it should work."

Alec sniffed. "It better."

The implication was that the price had been stiff. "How much did it cost?" she asked. "I can pay you back."

"No," he shook his head, "you really can't."

"Just tell me how much. You know I'm good for it."

In answer, Alec scooted back down and laid his head on his makeshift pillow. "Whatever. I'm going to sleep. I don't care what you do, as long as you do it quietly."

With no other choice, Max sat down on the floor opposite Alec. The floor was dirty, but it wasn't anything too bad. She was sweaty and filthy anyway from their chase and she wished she could take a bath, but that would have to wait.

Unfortunately, she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. Her shark DNA made sure of that. Instead, she was forced to sit still while Alec took his cat nap. She wished she had something to do, something useful, but she was completely out of luck. She was forced to resort to making mental lists of all the things they needed to do, supplies they needed for TC, contacts they needed to follow up with, etc.

After a while, Max wasn't sure how long, she noticed that Alec was dreaming. He'd been perfectly still at first, his breathing even as he slept, but now his breathing had sped up and he was moving restlessly.

Max considered going to him and trying to wake him, but waking a Transgenic was a good way to get punched. It was just instinct. They had a tendency to come out fighting.

Alec's dream, however, wouldn't let him go. His breathing turned frantic and he twitched, almost like he was trying to run. He let out a whimper, but she couldn't tell whether it was fear, or pain.

Finally, Max couldn't stand it anymore. On hands and knees, she clambered to his side. In one swift movement, she grabbed both wrists, so he couldn't take a swing at her, then she gave him a hard shake.

Alec's eyes popped open, wide like a startled horse. He fought her, but Max kept his wrists locked and after a few seconds, he calmed.

"Max?" He looked around the room in confusion, then seemed to realize where he was.

"Now you wanna tell me what happened when you went to get the cure?"

Alec sagged back to the floor, refusing to look at her. She released him and backed up a few feet. She knew being crowded wasn't going to help.

When he didn't say anything, Max added, "I got all night."

Alec glared at her, but he sat up to face her. "Why do you care?" he demanded. "What difference does it make?"

"Because it does," she snapped. "Things are different now. This isn't like when we were kids. If something's wrong, we all help each other. So get that through your thick Manticore skull."

Alec just shook his head. "You don't want to know, Max."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't," he said more firmly. "If I tell you..."

"What?" she sneered. "Let me guess. You did something stupid and it all went south."

Alec just looked at her, a sad smile on his lips, pain and... something else in his expression. It hurt her to see it.

"What?" she almost shouted. "What happened that's so bad?"

Alec's smile turned grim. "You asked me what it cost to get the cure."

"Yeah."

Alec looked at her, now refusing to break eye contact. "The man who made the cure set the price and it was non-negotiable."

"What was it?" she asked, trepidation filling her.

"He wanted me to kill someone," Alec answered. "So I did."

* * *

 _Cue the dramatic music… More soon…_


	3. Chapter 3

_Poor Alec... Gonna be a bit of a mess before we can fix him back up..._

Chapter Three

* * *

September

Max walked into Command to the sound of tense, hushed voices.

"What do we do?" Luke asked.

"What do you think we do?" Mole growled. "We go get her."

"Yes, but how?" Dix asked.

"It's Sector Police Headquarters." Alec was already shaking his head. "It'll be crawling with heavily armed men. We'd have to kill our way in and out, not to mention our own casualties."

"Max won't like that," Luke warned.

"Who's Max?" a Transgenic she'd never seen before asked. He was thin, but the muscled sort of thin of a long distance runner. He had reddish hair which was odd for one of them. Manticore hadn't really wanted them to stand out too much. The Xs had been made to look pleasing so people would instinctively like them or trust them, but not so odd that they would stand out in a crowd.

"I'm Max," she said, stepping forward.

The others looked up and for the most part looked relieved at her arrival. The new guy, however, looked horrified.

"Are you serious?" His voice was too loud and he backed up a step. His face was blotchy with anger and he looked around like he was re-checking the exits.

"You got a problem?" she demanded.

"Yeah," he spat. "I came here against my better judgment because my partner got caught and I'm out of options." He looked around at the others. "But if you morons are following some '09er, then you're dumber than you look."

"Look, pal," Mole ground out past his cigar, "you came to us."

"Well, I didn't know you'd put this _trash_ in charge." He pointed at Max, as if there were any doubt who he was talking about. "This traitor left us. She doesn't have the training we do, and she shouldn't be in charge of a donut shop, let alone an operation like this."

Before the last word had left his mouth, Alec was moving. He swept the man's legs out from under him. The guy landed heavily on his back and Alec knelt on top of him, pressing his knee down into his breastbone and a hand to his throat, cutting off his breathing.

"You don't get to talk about her that way." He leaned forward so his whole weight was bearing down on the other Transgenic and the man grunted, his face twisting in pain. "She's our leader, Copper. Watch your mouth, or get out."

Ever since the night at the safe house, things had been tense between her and Alec. After he'd dropped that little bomb about offing someone, he'd simply rolled over and pretended to go back to sleep with his back to her. In the weeks since, he'd refused to say another word about it, no matter how much she hinted or downright demanded to know. She'd fumed, she'd accused, she'd ordered him out of her sight, and he'd never said a word to defend himself. She could _see_ that he hated what he'd done as much as she did.

Max had gotten so frustrated, she'd called Logan, despite how busy he was, and asked him to look into it, but other than making a few offhand remarks about Alec's psychopathic tendencies, Logan hadn't managed anything. They still had no idea where Alec had gone, what he'd been up to, or who it was he'd killed. She had to believe there was some mitigating factor or Alec wouldn't have agreed no matter what, but she just didn't _know_.

For his part, Alec's behavior had been erratic at best. Sometimes, he seemed just like his old self. He worked to keep them in supplies and armed and safe. He helped arrange their runs out into the city. He acted like nothing was wrong and that he'd never told Max he'd murdered someone to get her the cure.

Other times, he was quiet, almost dour. He still did his work and the jobs they needed, but he was subdued, not the obnoxious, affable guy she was used to. The others had noticed, as well as noticing the tension between them, but they didn't say anything about it. Only Joshua had dared to bring it up, and Alec had told him in no uncertain terms to mind his own business. He'd later apologized for how nasty he'd been about it, but now Joshua, too, was tiptoeing around him.

Worst of all, he was occasionally volatile and reckless to the point it frightened her. On jobs, he put himself in unnecessary danger, and he was brutal in taking down any obstacle in their way, whether a door or a human. In TC, his temper was short, and everyone made sure not to set him off, worried they might end up on the wrong end of a fist. It hadn't quite come to that yet, but it had been close.

Now, Alec was restraining and viciously digging his knee into the sternum of a visitor who'd come to them for help and looked like he would hurt him as easily as look at him.

"Yeah, Max is an '09er," Alec said. "That means she's been out in the world a lot longer than us. To save your partner we're going to have to know our way around the system, and she can help with that, understand?" The other Transgenic, Copper, didn't respond. "I'm going to let you up now," Alec added. "You gonna behave?"

Copper broke Alec's hold and used his legs to maneuver Alec off of him, then landed a vicious punch to Alec's jaw. It had the opposite effect to what Copper was hoping. Alec flew into a rage and he'd managed several punches before anyone could intervene.

Mole grabbed Alec from behind and Dix and Luke grabbed Copper to pull him off the floor and away from Alec. Max put herself between Alec and Copper and glared at Alec who immediately stopped struggling against Mole and calmed down. His cheeks actually turned pink with embarrassment at his loss of control.

"You," she pointed at Alec, "button it while I try to fix this."

Max turned around to see that Copper was stalking toward the exit, apparently done with trying to get them to help.

"Copper, wait!" she called.

"These morons might be willing to follow you," he shot over his shoulder, "but I'm not."

"I thought you needed help to save someone?"

She let the question hang and Copper stopped walking just inside the room. He was clearly fighting an inner battle, and finally his shoulders sagged. He turned around to face them.

"You are not my boss," he said.

She raised her hands. "Never said I was. Just thought there was somebody in trouble and we oughta help."

Copper eyed her suspiciously. "You left the rest of us when we were kids. You'll do the same thing now if the op falls apart."

Max gritted her teeth. She'd tried never to think of it that way, but in a sense it was true. She'd spent all that time knowing she'd left too many others in Manticore's hands. "My brothers and sisters and I… we took our only chance. I won't apologize for that. I wanted to save people I cared about. I wanted to save myself. I've spent a lot of time since then trying to make Manticore pay."

"And they did," Alec chimed in.

"I thought I told you to button it," she snapped.

"I'm the one who spent huge chunks of my life in Psy-Ops because of the '09ers," he fired right back. "If anybody has cause to hate you, it's the twins like me."

Max's mouth clicked shut. Other than the first time they'd met in Max's cell, he'd never really mentioned how much he'd been affected by their escape and Ben's loss of contact with reality.

"Look," Alec shrugged out of Mole's grip and faced Copper, "you want to help your partner and we're willing to help. All you have to do is tolerate Max for long enough to get it done."

Copper looked at Max, then back to Alec. His teeth were tightly clenched and she could tell he was fighting his instinct to go it alone. They all had that instinct.

"I trust exactly one person on this planet," Copper bit out, "and the Sector Police have her. I… I need your help to get her back," he finally admitted.

"You keep calling her your partner." It was said as a statement, but the question was there. She didn't know if he meant breeding partner or something else.

"She and I have been partnered since we were twelve. We've backed each other up through everything Manticore could throw at us, and everything since." He voice cracked. "She's all I have."

"We'll get her back," Max replied with all the confidence she could muster.

"I'll believe it when I see it." His expression told her exactly what he thought of her, and Max had to wonder if the others felt some of the same. She remembered an occasional remark here and there, but for the most part it had passed.

"We're gonna need schematics," she said.

"We're on it," Luke piped up. "Logan's helping us hack into all the cameras in the area and the drones, too. We should have a pretty good picture before we try anything."

"Good." She nodded. She felt guilty that she hadn't immediately thought of contacting Logan. He'd been busy lately on a project with the S1W, and they hadn't seen as much of each other, not with everything Max was doing as well, trying to keep Terminal City from falling down around their ears.

"Alec?" She jerked her head for him to follow her.

He trailed behind her to the other side of the large open room, looking like a man being led to the gallows. He knew he'd screwed up and he wasn't looking forward to the lecture.

"What was that?" she asked without preamble.

"I… uh… Sorry," he finally said. "I lost my cool. I don't like it when they badmouth you. Normally, I let it go, but…" He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, kneading at the muscles. "Guess it got to me today."

"What do you mean 'normally'?"

Alec finally looked up at her, surprise showing. "You think he's the only one with issues about you taking off in '09? Max we've all been conditioned to think of you as a traitor. It's a hard habit to break. We do, for the most part, but sometimes it pops out." He turned his head away again. "I do my best to keep everybody happy, but when we get stressed, we fall back on the old ways and old lines of thinking."

"Was anybody gonna tell me about this?" she asked, annoyed that she'd been in the dark about an ongoing problem.

A ghost of his old smirk appeared. "Wasn't planning on it."

"You know," she said more quietly, "we're gonna have to talk about this sooner or later."

"I thought we _were_ talking about it," he answered, purposely missing her meaning.

"Don't play dumb." She tried to keep her tone even. "We need to talk about what's going on with you."

"No," he answered flatly, "we don't. Not ever. I did it and I'd do it again, but I'm not gonna talk about it."

"Alec, it's getting in the way of doing your job." She couldn't exactly come out and say that he was scaring her. She relied on him. She needed him to keep them all safe. Watching him slowly devolve wasn't just painful, it was heartbreaking. It was different from seeing Ben, but… It felt like it was happening all over again. She couldn't go through anything like that a second time. She just couldn't.

"And that's all that matters," he said bitterly. "Getting the job done."

"Talk to me." It was almost laughable coming from her, since talking about her feelings was close to torture, but something was badly wrong and she needed to understand. Max stepped close and put a hand on his arm, surprising him again. "Just tell me what's going on."

For a moment, it looked like he would. He opened his mouth to say something, his expression somewhere between hope and terror. Then he shook his head and the moment was gone.

"Alec?" she prodded.

"Maybe I don't want to ruin what little bit of respect you might have left for me." He was trying for a bit of his old bravado, but he couldn't look her in the eye.

"We've been through enough now," she replied. "I know I can count on you. Or at least I did before you went off to get the cure and came back acting strange."

Her feelings on this whole mess were a jumble. She would like to think that if Alec had been able to come up with any other choice, he would have taken it rather than accept an assassination job. His behavior said he felt the same. Guilt was eating at him, and Max was feeling the echo of it as well. Someone had died so she could have the cure. How was she supposed to feel about that? It hadn't been her call, or her hands that had done the deed, but she still felt responsible. Her happiness was going to come at the expense of someone's life and Alec's sanity.

"Maybe I should go." His tone was flat, dead. "I shouldn't stay here if I can't-"

"What? No!" she said on gut instinct.

He raised an eyebrow. "You telling me you'd miss me?"

She got right in his face. "I miss you now, you idiot. I need the old Alec back. The guy who just knocked down Copper isn't the guy I need here to help me."

Alec met her eyes again, and there was such sadness there, such desolation, Max was staggered.

"That's all that's left of me," he said. "Or… maybe that's all there ever was."

Alec turned and walked away, leaving the rest of them to plan the rescue mission without him.

* * *

 _More soon…_


	4. Chapter 4

Okey dokey. Max and Logan need to have a chat, and then we'll go check on Alec...

Chapter Four

* * *

October

"Max, are you listening to me?"

Max stopped pacing and looked at Logan. "Sorry, what?"

He gave her a patient smile and set his papers back on his desk, or what passed for his desk. Logan was still making the best of Joshua's old house, but twenty years ago they would have said it had seen better days. Now it was a leaky dump. "What's bothering you?"

Max couldn't meet his eyes. She was embarrassed to admit how little she cared about a report on the S1W's latest operation. She had two teams out, one for supplies, the other on a recon mission looking for a place for them to move from TC.

The pressure on them was growing week by week, and it was getting nearly impossible to bring in supplies. There were still Sector Police parked on their doorstep, the military had joined them, and the protesters still loved to stand around with their signs, shouting, throwing things and setting fires. They generally made life annoying for those in Terminal City, and interesting for the news reporters, who were also camped outside. They were all in a standoff, but needless to say, it was going to come to a breaking point. Max hoped to be gone before that time came.

Alec was leading the recon team. That in itself was another worry. Ever since the incident with Copper, Alec had been careful to keep his temper and behavior in control. He worked, he helped plan, but he was still quiet, too quiet. She'd tried several times to talk to him. The result was that he'd been quick to offer to lead the away team, she suspected just to get away from her.

"I'm worried about the recon team."

Logan shifted uncomfortably. "Still looking for a place to move?"

Max turned and looked at him. "It's not safe here anymore. We're sitting ducks."

He nodded. "I know. I've been keeping an eye on all the groups as best I can. I'll let you know if it looks like anyone is going to move on TC."

She nodded her thanks, but she had already known he was watching out for them. "Would you…" She'd been putting off asking, but it had to be done. She was tired of worrying about that too. "I guess I just assumed, but… will you come with us?"

Logan didn't answer right away, and Max felt her heart fall through the floor. It was what she'd feared.

"I've been meaning to tell you something," he said quietly, "but I didn't know how."

"What?" She tried not to sound angry and defensive, but doubted she'd managed it when he flinched.

"The S1W and I have been working with another group," he started, "a bigger group, better funded."

"And?"

He scrubbed a hand over his scruff of a beard in frustration. "And I'm drowning here, Max," he said wearily. "I've been cut off. Any accounts I had have been frozen. I don't have the money, and I can't get the equipment I need to keep up the way I used to. The last Eyes Only hack was cut short because a piece of equipment failed, and I can't replace it."

"Why didn't you say something?" she asked. She wasn't angry. His failure to tell her just hurt. He'd needed something and hadn't come to her. He was in this mess partially because of them. After the Jam Pony thing, he'd been on the authorities' radar and if they caught him he'd have a lot of explaining to do. It wouldn't have been a problem if he'd stayed in TC with the rest of them, but the toxins had eventually forced him to leave. Now he was a fugitive like the rest of them. "You know we have ways of making money, and we can get equipment for you, given time."

"You mean you can steal it for me," he said, chagrined.

"Well… yeah."

Logan shook his head. "I can't let you waste resources and manpower that you all need so badly."

"And these people?"

"They're a big group, Max. They approached the S1W in an effort to contact me. They think my work can reach a wider audience and they want to help."

"So why didn't you want to tell me about it?" There was a reason he'd been putting it off and none of what he'd said so far was it.

"Their headquarters is in Toronto."

"Oh."

"Yeah." He looked down again at his papers, shuffling them uselessly.

"You can't help them… remotely?" she asked. "It's all computers and network stuff. You should be able to do it from here, shouldn't you?"

He shook his head. "Their headquarters has the equipment I need, better equipment, in a secure location. I would work from there."

"I…" She had no idea what to say. "But the cure…" They were so close to the finish line. It felt like she'd just crashed into a hurdle at the last jump.

"I know." He stood and walked closer to her, although still keeping an acceptable distance. He had two more doses before they could check his antibody levels and say he was actually immune to the virus.

"It's always gonna be something, isn't it?" she whispered. She knew she sounded hopeless, because that's how she felt. She'd once told Alec that for her and Logan it was just never the right time. Now it seemed there never would be.

"Max, I can't make this decision based solely on whether or not the virus will be gone," he said solemnly.

"I wouldn't ask you to."

"I know." He smiled, that kind smile that had been one of the first things that had drawn her to him. She'd had so little kindness in her life. "Do you have any idea where you're going to go?" he asked, and to Max's ears it sounded like he'd already made his decision. Not telling her about the equipment he needed felt like he was already distancing himself. He was going to Toronto and she and the other Transgenics were going another way. Logan was a good man and he wanted to make a difference in the world. Max couldn't hold him back from that. She had her own purpose in the world. She wanted to keep her people alive.

"Alec says he has a couple of promising places. He and his team are checking them out."

"Anywhere close to Toronto?" he asked, trying to hold out some hope.

Max simply shook her head. "No, I don't think so."

Logan sighed. "I haven't made my decision yet. I'm still talking to this group, checking them out and so on. I'll… I'll let you know as soon as I do."

She nodded, although she knew in her heart what his decision would be. He'd already given up his family and his fortune for his ideals. She knew that love was another in a long line of things he would sacrifice.

For a second, she allowed herself to be petty and selfish. She didn't want to come in second place to some vague cause. She wanted Logan to choose her, to love her more than anything else, to pick _her_. Wasn't that what love was about? But he'd let her go once when he thought she was with Alec, and he was doing it again, for people who could provide money and fancy computers. She didn't like that he could give her up so readily. She knew that wasn't fair, though. She had to choose to help her people first. She couldn't abandon them and go to Toronto. Logan was using his work to help others, too.

Logan walked back to his desk and picked up a folder. "There's another reason I asked you to come. I found something you should see."

"What is it?"

"A man who was found dead at Stanford University."

"California?"

Logan handed her the folder, mindful not to touch her. "I think this is the man Alec killed."

Max opened the folder and found a typed report along with crime scene photos of a man lying on an oriental rug, sprawled awkwardly, ligature marks around his neck. "What happened?"

"Exactly what you think happened."

His tone was grim and Max knew what he was thinking. He was sure Alec was a sociopath who didn't mind killing indiscriminately to get what he wanted. Max, however, knew differently. She knew that Alec was a mess. She just didn't understand why. Alec had killed before. They all had. Somehow this time had been different.

Max closed the folder and headed for the door. "I'll see you around?" she asked, and wondered if this would be the last time she saw him. He could decide at any moment to leave for Toronto, or Alec could come back and they would pack up and head for their new home.

"I hope so." His smile was heartbroken and she knew he was thinking the same thing she was. "They won't want me there for a couple of months. They have to get everything set up."

Which meant the plans were already underway. They were getting the equipment ready for him and making arrangements to get him across the border into Canada. They wouldn't put that kind of effort and that kind of money into something that wasn't a done deal. Logan was as good as gone.

Max tried to be happy for him, and if she was being honest, she had to admit to a tiny bit of relief, which immediately made her feel guilty. Having an Ordinary around was very unpopular with some of the Transgenics and if Logan went with them, it would cause friction. That was a lousy argument though for giving up on someone who had meant so much to her.

Max let herself out and began the roundabout route needed to sneak back into TC.

* * *

Alec was sitting on the floor when Max walked back into Command. He was leaning against the wall with his legs splayed out in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest, hunched forward slightly.

"What happened?" She stalked forward to stand just in front of him. Blood was seeping from a head wound and Mole was kneeling next to Alec trying to patch him up.

"Somebody got in a lucky throw," Alec said, embarrassed. "A protester caught me with a rock."

"Quit moving," Mole grunted.

"And the ribs?" She could tell something was broken by the way he was sitting.

"That would be the reason the protester got lucky," Mole answered for him. "He was already hurt when they were trying to come back in."

"Alec?" She raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to explain.

Alec looked up at her and pursed his lips. "Let's just say that one of our possible sites for a move was a complete bust."

"Which one?"

"Both sites in Idaho are out, but for different reasons." Mole's stitching took a bite and Alec winced.

"What about Hood River?" It was in Oregon with large stretches of old National Forest surrounding it, not that those really existed anymore since the government couldn't afford jack, let alone a forest service. It had lots of unpopulated land, places to hide, and lots of building materials.

"Still looks like our best bet."

Mole snapped off the thread and stood up. "Try not to mess that up. I'm not doin' it again," he muttered and stalked away with the first aid kit. He'd run out of cigars and it hadn't helped his demeanor.

Max held out her hand to help Alec get up, but he waved her off. "I'll throw up if I move. Give me a minute."

Max nodded and sat on the floor in front of him. For a few seconds, she studied him, taking in the pale skin and the dark circles under his eyes. "How you doing?" she asked quietly.

"Had better days," he replied at the same volume.

"How'd you hurt your ribs?"

"We had to fight our way through a checkpoint. One of them was going to run Copper down with their truck and I pushed him out of the way. Got clipped."

Copper and his partner, Silver, had decided to stay after they'd rescued her from the Sector Police. They'd become a useful part of their efforts in TC and had volunteered for the recon mission.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" She didn't ask it flippantly. She really wanted to know. Ben had become homicidal. Not for the first time, she wondered if Alec's issues had pushed him into suicidal behavior.

"No," he answered, but it wasn't as adamant a denial as she would have liked. "It was just instinct. He was part of the team and they were trying to kill him, so I pushed him out of the way. Stupid really," he admitted. "I could have yelled and Copper would have blurred out of the way in time."

Max sighed. "So tell me how it went."

"Long story short, we should start making plans for Hood River. It will work and we don't have time to scout another place. Getting back into Seattle was a problem. They really want us dead, Max, or at least gone." He shook his head, and immediately looked nauseated. He closed his eyes and swallowed heavily, tipping his head back against the wall to keep from throwing up.

"Ok," she nodded to herself since no one else was paying attention, "we'll start drawing it up." Alec didn't respond other than to grunt his assent.

The blood on his face was bugging Max. She couldn't fix what was eating at him, but she could help with that at least. She got up and found a rag and a bottle of water. She walked back and knelt next to him. She wet the cloth, and set one hand on his opposite cheek to hold him steady.

Alec's eyes startled open at her touch, but he held very still as she worked. "You don't have to do this," he whispered. He always seemed surprised that she kept trying to help him, kept asking what was wrong. It was like he expected her to leave him behind, like he _deserved_ to be left behind, and he was just waiting for the axe to fall.

"You won't let me help with what's really messing with you," she answered matter-of-factly. "So I have to go with keeping you from looking like a horror movie."

"You just want to keep me looking my handsome self." He grinned, and it was a bit of the old Alec peeking through.

"Well, it's better than looking like something the cat dragged in."

"We're cats, Max. We're tired and overworked. We're always dragging ourselves in."

Max rolled her eyes. She finished cleaning the blood off, at least as well as she could with a rag, and sat back on her haunches.

"So Hood River, huh?"

Alec nodded, and this time he looked ok. The head wound must not have been too bad. "Yup. Hood River."

"I think Logan's moving to Toronto."

"What?" Alec looked startled, then horrified.

"There's some group there. Fighting the good fight and all that."

"But… the cure."

"You know we can't base what's best for everybody on what's best for just the two of us."

Alec shook his head harder and went right back to looking sick. "But… to get it," he said, "what I did…"

"What did you do, Alec?" She whispered the question, hoping he would answer this time.

Alec scrambled to his hands and knees and bolted for the nearest trash can. He promptly threw up, and Max moved to his side, supporting him as he continued to dry heave, wavering with exhaustion and dizziness. It had to be killing his ribs.

Finally, Alec used his sleeve to wipe at his mouth and slumped to the side. Max caught him awkwardly. She noticed everyone in Command was purposely looking away, giving them some privacy. They had Transgenic hearing and would know what was going on, but they were doing their best. They all liked Alec and knew he needed help.

"I broke my rule," he said, and Max was startled to see tears fall from his closed eyes. She supposed she could blame it on the pain and exertion of getting sick, but she didn't think so. "I broke my rule," he said again, "and for nothing."

"What rule?"

Alec didn't answer her. Max put her arms around him and pulled him up off the floor. Together, they silently walked out of Command to the building close by, where most of them crashed. She helped him lay down on his bedroll and covered him. He fell asleep almost instantly, but Max stayed at his side anyway.

She didn't know what Alec had done, what rule of his he'd broken, but he'd done it for her. Finding out it had been for nothing might have been the last straw on his strained psyche, and she was going to be there when he woke up. He was too important to her to let him struggle alone. She could admit that. So she was going to stay right where she was until he woke up so that Alec would know it, too.

* * *

 _More soon…_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

* * *

November

Terminal City was almost back to being a ghost town. It had taken weeks of planning and sending people out in pairs and small groups to get them out of Terminal City and then out of Seattle, but they were nearing the finish line.

Those who had left were already setting up camp outside Hood River in the National Forest and the early reports were that it was going to be doable. It was close enough to civilization that they could get things they needed, but far enough away that no one cared about a bunch of weirdoes who lived out in the woods, if they even knew they existed at all. Post Pulse, most people who lived out in the boonies knew life was tough and they minded their own business.

"Joshua's group is through," Alec said, letting out a breath he'd been holding. They'd all been watching the drone footage as Joshua made his way through the city and out through a series of tunnels that were maintained to smuggle people and supplies in and out of the city.

The smuggling tunnels had been a welcome discovery. They'd had to pay the gang of smugglers for their use, but it had been worth it. Getting out past the city checkpoints, especially for the very recognizable Transhumans had proven to be an almost insurmountable task.

With Joshua's group gone, that left only a handful of them behind. Alec and Max had stayed along with Mole and Dix to keep things operational and to make sure it looked like TC was still occupied. If the Sector Police or the military figured out they were evacuating, it would be a free for all.

A nearby computer beeped and Dix hit a button on the keyboard. Logan's image immediately appeared and he looked panicked.

"Logan?"

"They're coming in, Max! You have to get out now!"

"Who?"

"The military. They just got the okay to _sanitize_ Terminal City. They're ignoring that there are people in it and claiming that the toxins are a danger to the city. They're going to burn it, guys. All of it."

"How?"

"The planes are already on their way. They're going to firebomb it until there's nothing left. You have to go. Fifteen minutes tops. I only caught it because I saw them pulling back the guards outside and moving the protesters and reporters."

Mole was already on his feet and headed for the door. Dix was close behind him. Alec started gathering weapons.

For a moment, Max was paralyzed just looking at Logan. He too was staring at her, as if memorizing her face. He'd told her the week before that he'd made his decision to go to Toronto. He would be leaving in a week or two as well.

"I… Thanks," she finally managed to gasp out despite her broken heart.

"Go, Max. I'll… I'll find a way to contact you once you guys are set up where you're going."

Max nodded. She'd resigned herself to the fact that they were well and truly over, but she still wished she could touch him, hug him, kiss him goodbye. _Something_. The cure still had to play out, though, and they hadn't seen each other except by video in a month and now there were planes on the way to kill them.

"Goodbye."

Alec slapped the button to disconnect the video and grabbed her by the arm. "Move it, Max. You can cry later or hit things… or whatever you want to do, but we have to _go_."

* * *

The problem with hanging out with Mole wasn't that he was an angry, sarcastic, cigar-chomping jerk. It was that he was _highly_ visible.

They were spotted less than five minutes after leaving Terminal City, despite any attempts at disguises. People knew what Max looked like, but Dix didn't look human, and Mole looked like a pissed off, six foot iguana.

They ran, hid, fought, all with the Sector Police, the military, and random wanna-be heroes on their tails, all wanting to take down one of the Freaks.

"There's a tunnel close by here," Alec said quietly. They were hunkered down in an alley trying to catch their breath while the mob moved past. "It'll put us outside the city checkpoints on the wrong side of town, but it's better than being run to ground like this."

"Agreed," Dix said. "But can we get to it?"

"We can if you'll let me shoot any ape that comes near us," Mole snarled.

"No shooting," Max ordered. "It'll just make it worse and you know it."

Mole grunted, but didn't say anything else.

"Can we find it is the question," Alec said. "I called one of the guys who owns the tunnels we normally use. He says he knows there's a tunnel close to here, but it isn't theirs and he can't vouch for it, but he gave me a number to call."

Alec was already dialing, trying to make a deal on the fly. "I've got six hundred on me. What do the rest of you have?"

Max just shook her head. She had a little, but nothing that was going to help with a smuggler who knew he had them by the throat. Dix was a bust, too, but Mole pulled out a wad of cash.

"This better work, Princess." He handed the money over grudgingly. Max knew he loved to gamble and was always betting on idiotic things with the others in TC. She wondered how long it had taken him to work up such a large bank roll.

"Mole, have I ever failed you?" Alec asked sweetly.

"Frequently and often," Mole fired back. "Now go make us a deal to get outta here."

Alec snorted and walked a few feet away from them down the alley so the sound wouldn't carry to the sidewalk outside. They could hear him sweet-talking whoever it was, but it was clearly taking work to iron out a deal.

Finally, he came back to where they were hunkered down behind a dumpster. "They're sending a contact. He'll be here in five to lead us to the entrance."

"We trust these people?" Mole asked.

"Of course not," Alec answered, as if it was an idiotic question. "But we're kind of on a schedule here and out of options."

Even as he said it, they heard several military planes fly overhead, dangerously low. They weren't jets. They were slow moving bombers. They couldn't see them once they were beyond the alley's narrow field of vision, but they heard what followed. Low, rumbling explosions followed by the sound of sirens. If Max had to guess, the fire departments were all going to be put on standby. They would let Terminal City burn, but they would keep any of the fires from spreading to neighboring buildings outside the perimeter.

"I hope the toxins in Terminal City go airborne," Mole said bitterly. "I hope these bastards choke on it."

No one else said anything. What was there to say really as they listened to their temporary home, the only home many of them had ever known, go up in flames?

An old cargo van that had been white at some point, but was now a rusted out beige pulled up outside the alley. Max peeked her head around the dumpster to look and the panel door slid open. A shifty looking guy whose gray hair hadn't seen a comb or shampoo in years poked his head out. "You guys coming or what?" he called.

"That's our cue," Alec said.

The four of them filed in and the guy moved as far away from them as he could in the back of the van. There weren't any seats and it was probably used to move cargo to be taken to and from the tunnels. The driver compartment was sealed off from the back and they had no idea who was driving or where they were being taken.

"You got the cash?" the smuggler asked.

Alec produced the money and tossed it in the man's direction. He caught it one handed and the money disappeared into the pocket of his well-worn jacket.

"Nice doing business with ya," the smuggler said. "We'll be at the tunnel entrance in about a minute. We're being followed so you're gonna have to move it. Understand?"

"Who's following us?" Mole growled.

The guy smiled like the cat who ate the canary. "The Sector Police. They're always offering a reward for information on you guys and I may have turned you in."

"Are you kidding me?" Mole started to grab for him, but Max kept him from throttling their pseudo-helper. It was an ugly world they lived in and everybody did what they had to do to survive. Plus they still needed him to get them to the tunnel.

"Relax, buddy," the guy said, but he scooted a little further into the corner of the van. "We're gonna get you to the tunnel entrance and then we're gonna blow it behind you. They'll never have a chance."

"You're gonna blow up a tunnel around us and you expect us to thank you?" Mole looked like he was about to rip the guys arms off and beat him with them. He looked to Max. "Are you sure I can't shoot this guy?"

The smuggler blinked owlishly, as if only now realizing how heavily armed they were.

"No," Max said. "Not unless they cross us," she qualified. The guy looked ready to wet himself at that and she decided it was worth it. He was helping, but he'd also turned them in, after all.

"Look," the smuggler's expression turned mulish, "we're ruining one of our best tunnels for you freaks. The least you could do was be grateful."

"We are grateful," Alec said. "That's why we paid you instead of keeping you for food." He nodded toward Mole. "This one can eat his weight every day. He's hard to keep in meat."

Mole grinned happily at the fabrication, and the guy paled and decided to shut up about how thankful they should be.

"Remember that in case you do decide to cross us," Mole growled. "I've got your scent now. I can track you anywhere in this city and I'll find you."

The van came to a stop and Alec pulled the door open. "Where are we going?" he demanded. They were parked in front of a lot full of garbage and random crap that had been dumped. So, basically it looked like everywhere else in the city.

Their smuggler pal pointed. "See that industrial freezer looking thing in the back? It's layin' down like it fell over."

"Yeah." Max got out of the van behind Alec. Mole and Dix followed.

"It's the tunnel entrance. The back of it's gone. Just open the doors and you can go in."

The four of them could hear police sirens and they didn't ask twice. They headed for the freezer and as promised, as soon as they opened one of the doors, they could see it was a straight drop down into a dugout below.

Mole dropped in first, then helped Dix, who wasn't as battle ready as the rest of them. Alec followed, then he turned and looked up at Max.

"How long are you gonna give us before you blow it?" she asked.

The guy shrugged. "Long as I can. Can't let the Sector Police see us though. I'd hoof it if I were you."

Max dropped down into the hole and the four of them moved as quickly as they could.

The tunnel wasn't anything like the ones the other gang had made. This one was makeshift at best. There were a couple of lights strung in it, but for the most part it was dark. It wasn't as wide or tall either. It was barely reinforced with a few old bits of wood and they knocked dirt loose as they half-ran, half-shuffled forward, bent over in the cramped space.

Mole was in the lead with Dix behind him. Alec had somehow managed to get behind her, and if the situation weren't so grave, she'd feel self conscious that he was no doubt staring right at her butt.

The ground beneath them shuddered. "Better hustle, Mole," Alec called.

"I'm not exactly on a Sunday walk in the park, Princess!" Mole shot back, but he did pick up a little speed.

There was another explosion behind them and the dirt around them started to crumble. The ceiling in particular was starting to give way and Max had to brush the dirt from her eyes.

"How long is this freaking tunnel?" Alec muttered behind her, a hint of panic in his voice, and Max had to agree. They could literally feel the walls closing in on them.

"I can see light ahead. Might be a door!" Mole shouted, but it was cut off by the sound of another explosion.

A large section of tunnel collapsed behind them sending a cloud of dirt forward to cover them.

Max pulled her shirt up to cover her nose and mouth to keep from breathing in the fine silt. This was what they got for dealing with idiot smugglers.

She wanted to scream in frustration as a sidewall partially gave way between her and Dix. She squeezed through, but just barely. She turned to see Alec having a bit more trouble, and had to pull some of the dirt out of the way so he could make it through. "You'd think they were trying to take down Fort Knox," she bit out and Alec just nodded before he bodily turned her and shoved her to get her moving forward again.

Ahead of them, Mole wrenched open the makeshift wooden door lying over the opening of the tunnel's exit. There was probably a ladder hidden somewhere outside the tunnel for the smugglers use, but they didn't have time to find it. Mole jumped to reach the edge of the hole, then clambered up out of the tunnel into the daylight.

Dix was next. Mole pulled and Max pushed to get him out of the tunnel. The walls were collapsing around them and the toothpicks they'd used for boards holding up the ceiling were cracking beneath the strain.

Alec gave Max a leg up, propelling her out of the tunnel. She turned just in time to see the crossbeam above Alec give way, crashing down on top of him. He fell forward in a limp pile and Max watched as the tunnel collapsed and filled in, completely covering him.

* * *

Because it's a Dark Angel story and emotional trauma just isn't going to be enough… More soon…


	6. Chapter 6

_So poor Alec had been conked on the head and then buried in the tunnel... On we go!_

Chapter Six

* * *

November (Continued)

"No, no, no," Max chanted. Transgenics might be capable of going without oxygen for longer than a normal human, but eventually they would suffer brain damage and asphyxiation like everybody else.

Max pulled at the dirt with her hands, trying to dig her way to Alec. Dix, too, dropped to his hands and knees and began to shift the loose dirt.

Mole grunted in frustration, then shoved his way between them. "Outta my way, morons. Don't ask an amateur to do a job when there's a professional on site."

Like a man on a mission, Mole began to dig furiously. The dirt on top was relatively loose and easily shifted, but that too posed an additional problem. It continued to fall in and cover where they'd already dug.

They'd reappeared in another abandoned lot, surrounded by abandoned buildings. This one was just on the other side of the checkpoints leading into Seattle. Max looked around and found a couple of boxes they could use as buckets and some boards for reinforcing the hole. Together they worked like maniacs until they were all sweating and gasping for air.

"Got him!" Mole shouted, and Max could see a tuft of hair sticking out of the dirt.

Mole shoved the dirt away from Alec's head to give them more time to dig the rest of him out. Alec's dirt covered face appeared, and his lips were blue.

"Get down there and get him breathing while I keep digging," Mole ordered. "I don't know if the dirt'll let his chest expand."

Max scrambled closer and leaned over him awkwardly. She pinched his nose shut and breathed into his mouth. She felt a little air go in, but not much. She didn't give up though. Mole was digging feverishly to get the dirt away from Alec's chest to loosen it so he could breath, and with each attempted breath, Max felt his chest expand a little farther as the compacted ground was loosened.

Finally, Alec coughed, bits of dust and dirt coming out of his mouth. His eyes opened, but they were glassy and unfocused.

"Alec, you with us?"

Alec only groaned in response.

It was then that Max had the extra seconds to notice the blood. It was pooling around his head. She used her fingers to feel his skull and gasped. There was a section at the back that was mushy, as in the _skull_ was mushy. It was a crush injury and Alec's skull had been cracked into pieces.

Without preamble, Mole put his hands under Alex's arms and heaved him up, pulling his legs out of the remaining dirt. He then set him back down beside the hole, far more gently than Max would have thought him capable.

"You two go find us a ride," she ordered, crawling up clumsily out of the shifting dirt, "and make it fast."

Mole nodded, but didn't move. "Max, that wound-"

"I know," she said through clenched teeth. He'd called her by her name, a sure sign he thought the situation was beyond repair. "Just get us a way outta here."

Mole pulled himself up out of the hole they'd made, then gestured to Dix who followed after him at a trot. For a moment Max considered calling them back. They were the ones immediately recognizable as not entirely human, while she could pass unless someone recognized her from TV. She didn't though. She let them go. She had to stay with Alec.

Max scooted forward and raised Alec's head gently so it was resting in her lap. She brushed the dirt off his face, and away from his eyes, which were open and staring at her, but she didn't think he was seeing her.

"Think I hit my head," he slurred.

Max thought about lying, but she'd never really appreciated it when people did that to her. "Yup. You actually tried to bash it in, so… good going there."

"Should leave me." He blinked, trying to get his eyes to focus. "Gonna slow you down."

"Probably," she answered. "Still not gonna leave you though. You know me."

He let out a dry, barely-there laugh. "Yeah. Stubborn," he said fondly.

"You can't die on me, ok?" Max felt tears on her cheeks and brushed them away roughly. She was remembering another day, a face that looked just like Alec's staring up at her, the hounds at their heels. She was not going to leave Alec behind like she had Ben, no matter how often he asked.

"Try not to," he murmured, barely conscious.

"Stay awake," she ordered, giving him a slight shake. "You hear me? You stay awake."

"Hard not to… with you yelling at me." His lips turned up in a grin, but it faded too quickly and she knew he was fading with it.

"Talk to me," she said. "Don't care what it's about. Just… something. Stay with me."

"You 'member back when we met… always trying to shut me up. Now always want me to talk. S'confusing."

"That's 'cause even before you cracked your melon, your head was messed up and you know it."

"Yeah," he admitted on a sigh. "Broke my rule."

"What rule?" she asked softly, afraid he'd clam up again.

"Went to get the cure for you. So… sad and…."

Max shook her head. Alec had said he'd got it because the virus was a problem for all of them, not because he was a good guy, but he was lying. The rest may have been true, too, but he'd done it for her.

"The doc, he wouldn't take money."

"He wanted you to kill someone." She stated it flatly. She already knew this part. "Who was the target?"

"A professor. The doc's daughter was his student and he cornered her in a lab and raped her. The cops wouldn't do anything because he was a big wig."

"Sounds like a real sleaze," Max said. In truth Max thought the guy sounded like he deserved to be put down like a rabid dog. Maybe castrate him and then put him down. Alec would have killed dozens of innocents while working for Manticore. She didn't understand why this very guilty one had bothered him so much.

"He'd done it to other students, too," Alec continued as if she hadn't said anything. "He'd rape them, then get them expelled so he didn't have to look at them anymore. Claim they had come on to him to get him to give them better grades."

Max nodded. She kind of wished she could kill the guy again.

"So why were you so messed up about it?" Max looked down and saw that once again, there were silent tears trailing down Alec's cheeks.

"When Manticore sent me out… when I killed someone… I told myself it wasn't me, that I didn't have a choice. It was them or me… like… self-defense. That was the only way I could keep going. It was all on Manticore."

"And then Manticore burned," Max prodded.

"It took a while. Still them or me… I didn't understand how it ought to go, but you… you made me rethink everything…"

"I'm good that way." She brushed the tears from his cheeks, but it just smeared the dirt.

"I made a rule. I didn't kill people for money. Not for money or for any reason except self-defense, _real_ self-defense. I'd get paid for all kinds of jobs, but I wasn't that guy. I may still be a soldier, but I am not an assassin."

His voice had gotten stronger, the slur less pronounced the more he talked and the more awake he was, but he still wasn't looking at Max. She wondered if it was because he couldn't see, or because he was afraid to look at her for fear of her reaction.

"Then I went to get the cure and… I killed him. I broke my rule." He shifted slightly, and let out the tiniest whine of pain. "It only took one test, and I broke my rule first time out. I've been lying to myself all these years. I'm an assassin, just like Manticore taught me to be. Just a… murderer." His voice broke. "And it's all on me. I made the choice to kill him in exchange for the cure."

"Shh… shh…" She tried to calm him. He was getting more and more upset, and she knew that would only make things worse.

"And I couldn't tell Max. I knew what she'd say."

Max pulled him closer to her, terrified. He didn't even know she was there anymore. She didn't know who he was talking to, if anyone.

"If I told her everything, she'd call me a killer, too. She'd throw me out. Since I told her I killed someone, she's never looked at me the same way. I already ruined it. I can't… She can't know the truth. That I can't be fixed. Just a killer. She'll never forgive me and I just…"

"Alec, please," she whispered, "It's ok." And it was. There was a difference between killing in cold blood and being asked to be an instrument of justice. In these days and times, sometimes justice had to be found in different kinds of ways. She didn't like it, but she wouldn't condemn Alec or the doctor who'd made the cure for that.

"Can't tell her," he said, his slurring once again becoming pronounced. "Can't…"

"It's ok, Alec. I get it. It's ok," Max said, trying to get through. Did he think she was so hard that she would throw him away over something like this? He'd already told her he killed someone and she'd still kept him close. Did he not understand how important he was to her? Did he not understand she needed him, that she _wanted_ him there with her?

Alec suddenly went limp in her arms. Max felt her heart break and she sobbed in frustration. Terminal City was gone, Logan was gone, and now Alec was injured so badly she didn't know what to do.

"Alec, don't leave," she pleaded and held him close. She'd lost so much and Alec was too important. "Please, don't leave."

* * *

 _More soon…_


	7. Chapter 7

_Well, let's see if we can't get Alec on the road to recovery_ …

Chapter Seven

* * *

December

Max sat in front of the fire. She tucked her feet up underneath her and wrapped the blanket around her more tightly. She'd snagged an old one room cabin that had belonged to the forestry service. It had needed some repair work, but it was small, cozy, and most importantly it stayed relatively warm and dry. Hood River was never going to put the warm in warm and inviting.

Snow was falling softly outside the cabin. It was only an inch or two deep at the moment, but it was enough that it would be a white Christmas, only a few days away. It would be a first for most of them. Seattle had produced wet, dirty winters, and Manticore had made sure any snow was immediately cleared so they could continue training, not that Manticore would have acknowledged any sort of holiday anyway.

Almost everyone from Terminal City was now living in the forest outside town. A few of the Transgenics had decided to head off on their own. Since they could pass for Ordinaries, they'd decided to make their own way in the world. The Transhumans, however, had all stayed.

Together they'd either found or built homes for everyone. They were setting up a new system of suppliers and finding the best way to make a life in this new place. The few locals they'd run into had been surprisingly tolerant, especially when they learned they had a population of very strong, very fast neighbors who might look weird, but were willing to help out anyone who asked politely, and who could protect them from anyone or anything dangerous that wandered into the area.

Joshua was sharing a larger cabin not far from hers and he liked to stop by every day just to check in. He was having fun making paints from berries and bark and who knew what else. He came to talk to her, but also to check on Alec.

Max looked across her little cabin to the bed tucked in the corner. Alec was lying in it, covered in mismatched blankets she'd found in the cupboard. He still hadn't woken up. They'd set up a series of regular IV fluids to keep him from completely wasting away, but it wasn't enough and he was getting thinner by the day. His skull seemed to have repaired itself, but he wouldn't wake up and Max had to wonder how badly his brain had been damaged. The lack of oxygen, the swelling from the injury, plus the trauma itself may have been too much.

"You know what, Alec? You're a real pain in the ass," she said out loud. There was no response and she didn't expect one. She'd taken to talking to him quite a bit since moving in. He was a good listener, but a lousy conversationalist.

She didn't have as many people to talk to these days. Luke and Dix had set up a little mini command post where everyone could check in and get any information they needed, but since they weren't being actively hunted at the moment, it wasn't as necessary and Max let them handle it.

"I mean, we get all the way out here, everybody else is working and you're still just layin' around, being all useless. Not to mention, you're still taking up my bed. I've been putting up with it so far, but it's getting old."

Logan had passed a message through Luke. He was doing well in Toronto. There wasn't any TV or phone service outside Hood River, but apparently Eyes Only had been spreading the message far and wide, righting wrongs and holding the people in charge to account.

Max wanted to say she missed him, but it was hard to miss someone she'd barely seen even before they were run out of town. Now there was a vague sort of nostalgia whenever she thought about him, a sad sort of _what might have been_.

It wasn't going to happen, though, and she had more important things to worry about. She and the others went hunting to keep them in meat. They were setting up a grow operation in an old mill since they were going to need to grow most of their own food eventually, and they'd need it before Spring would allow outdoor planting. Copper and Silver were working on getting livestock: chickens, cows, goats, sheep, etc. Living off the land was sort of the name of the game in these parts and a couple of the locals had been a big help.

"Ya know, if you'd wake up, we could at least play cards or something. I'm gonna end up learning to whittle just to have something to do at night."

She could almost hear him making some sort of flirtatious remark about things they could do while they were cooped up for the winter. Max smiled at the thought. At this point, she'd be glad to hear even that. She'd probably hit him, but she'd be glad.

Max had thought she'd missed him before, when he'd been acting strange. Alec had been so desperate for her to think well of him, or at least not to think any worse of him. Now she knew what it was to be completely without him. She and Logan had been separated so long that it was an old ache, but looking at Alec now, there but not there, was too fresh and it was an ever present wound.

Max sighed. It was dark outside and although she didn't sleep much, she still went through the motions. She stood and folded her blanket. She tossed it over the arm of the well-worn sofa, then walked to the other wall where there was a little kitchenette. It consisted of a single gas burner, a basin and an old crank water pump attached to a cistern, which was the envy of the neighborhood. Not everybody had water readily available. Her bathroom, per se, was an outhouse a few yards from the door. That was fine in decent weather. In weather like this, it was a lot less fun.

Max brushed her teeth and washed her face, tossing the dirty water out the door. She shivered against the blast of cold air, then locked up again and wandered to the cupboard. She pulled out an old comfy sweat-shirt and flannel pants. She changed her clothes, but left her socks on. She might be a genetically engineered super-soldier, but it was cold and she wasn't walking around a poorly insulated cabin in her bare feet.

She threw some extra wood on the fire, then walked to the bed and Alec. "Don't try anything," she ordered, just like she always did.

She could have fobbed off the responsibility of caring for Alec on someone. Joshua would have happily taken it on, but when the time had come, Max hadn't been able to let Alec go despite her tiny cabin barely having room for one.

Max slid into the narrow bed and snuggled under the blankets. She lay on her back staring at the ceiling. The bed barely had enough room for the two of them and her arm rested atop his. She grasped his hand, as had quickly become habit over the past weeks, and intertwined their fingers. She drew his hand up and let it rest against her chest. She could feel his pulse and the warmth of his skin, reassuring her he was still alive.

"We had a big day," she reported. "Dix and Luke are almost done building the dish to get us hooked up to the world again. We've been pretty limited so far, so they're happy. We're still working on the water problem. Mole says it'll probably be spring before we can dig a new well. He's got some ideas though for bringing it from the stream. We're working on rain barrels and stuff like that too, but that's won't be useful until there's, you know, rain."

For a few minutes, she listened to the fire pop and crackle and willed herself to rest, but it was useless as usual.

"You have to wake up. You'd do better with our suppliers and we need you to make the deals. The guy who runs the sawmill is robbing us blind and there's nothing we can do about it."

"Should… break something… in his shop, then offer to fix it."

Max jumped at the sound of Alec's gravelly voice. She was so startled, she jerked away from him, but she had forgotten she was holding his hand and she awkwardly pulled him closer.

Alec grunted, but then turned his head toward her. He raised an eyebrow. "You keep telling me not to try anything," he swallowed and she knew his throat was dry, "but you're the one who keeps latching on to me."

Max immediately let go of his hand and it flopped back to the bed. She sat up and turned so that she was facing him, but that pushed the blankets back and the cold rushed in around them. Alec was naked beneath the covers apart from a makeshift diaper. His dignity had gone by the wayside in her constant efforts to keep him clean, and manhandling a grown man back into clothes had quickly become more than she could bother with after an exhausting day. He shivered and Max did her best to rearrange the covers around him.

For a moment, they simply remained silent, staring at each other. His eyes were open at last and they were watching her carefully, warily. His face was still drawn from malnutrition and his coloring was terrible, but he was awake and that made all the difference.

"Hey," he finally said.

Max felt like crying. If it wouldn't hurt her badass image, she would have. "Hey." She reached to the side table and grabbed a water bottle sitting there. She tried handing it to him, but he was too weak to hold it. She helped him sip a bit. He coughed at first, then accepted the second sip.

"Easy," she said. "Been a while since you've had anything to eat or drink."

He nodded. "How long?"

"Weeks. It's almost Christmas."

"Figured. I lost count… in there somewhere." He coughed again dryly and she helped him with another sip.

"Count?"

"Been awake for a while," he said. "Just couldn't move."

"What?" she yelped. She'd been walking around in her little cabin like she was alone. She'd said anything she was thinking. She'd taken sponge baths in front of him. She'd talked to Joshua. She'd talked about _Alec_ to Joshua. She'd talked to Alec almost non-stop for _weeks_.

"Couldn't open my eyes," he said. "Pretty frustrating at times." He waggled his eyebrows, or tried to anyway. It was a barely-there movement.

"I, uh… You heard everything?"

She really wanted to crawl in a hole and die. She'd talked about absolutely anything she felt like talking about. She'd talked about cramps, and how sweaty and gross she was after building something with the others, and how much she missed toilet paper. She'd talked about the old days, when she was feeling maudlin about Ben or about Manticore. She'd talk about Logan, and on and on.

She'd talked about _him_ while she was changing the bedding. She'd had to clean him up, bathe him, move him to keep him from getting bed sores and to keep his muscles going. She was often exhausted and had said any stupid thing she was thinking to keep her awake and sane, and she'd discussed _all_ of his physical attributes, and how it was no wonder he was so popular with the ladies. She always went to bed telling him not to try anything, then she'd wake up a couple of hours later latched onto him like a koala. This was _mortifying_.

"I… the things I said… that I…" She knew she was bright red.

"I didn't hear everything," he cut off her stammering. "I slept a lot." He cast her a sidelong glance. "But yeah. Not much to do, but listen."

"You couldn't move?" she asked and he shook his head. For a moment, she ignored how embarrassed she was and thought about how awful that would be, to be trapped, slowly dying and unable to do anything about it.

"I was grateful for the running commentary." He offered a tired half-smile. "Kept me from going nuts."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." His laugh was dry and raspy. "A TV would have been nice, but you were pretty close."

"Glad I could amuse you," she snapped, embarrassment turning to anger, as was her usual response. She started to get out of the bed, but Alec reached out and grabbed her hand to stop her. His grip was weak and after a second faltered and he let his arm fall back to the bed.

"Really," he said sincerely. "Thank you. I… I thought I was… and I couldn't move and…" He closed his eyes and Max almost opened her mouth to tell him to open them again.

"How do you feel?" she asked tentatively.

"Better." He raised a hand to his head. "Finally quit hurting."

"You took a hard hit in the tunnel. Your brain was swelling, probably caused the paralysis. Must've finally repaired itself."

"Gonna hunt down those smugglers," he grumbled.

"I might help you."

Max gave him another sip of water, then got up and went to her kitchenette. She had some soup left from her dinner. She reheated it on the single burner, taking long enough that she chided herself for stalling.

Max brought a small bowl and a spoon to the bed. She set it aside and helped Alec sit up in bed.

"Well, this is humiliating," he grumbled. He tried to tuck the blankets around himself and the effort was almost too much for him.

"No picnic for me either, you know. But you need to eat. You're gonna waste away. Josh is going crazy worrying about you."

"Didn't really plan," Max shoved a spoonful of soup on his mouth, "on trying to bash my head in."

"At least you can talk. The Big Fella will calm down now."

They stayed silent for a few minutes while she plied him with soup. It was little more than broth which was probably all he could handle at the moment. When he'd managed about a quarter of the bowl, she set it aside. He'd get sick if he ate anymore. Still, his color was already a little better.

"So," she began.

"So," he repeated.

"You've been listening to me talk to Joshua." He nodded. "Were you paying attention?"

He nodded again. "Mostly."

"Did you really think I would, I don't know, throw you out... or whatever, for killing that guy?"

"It doesn't matter." Alec looked down and away. "I broke my rule, Max. I took an assassination job and there's no coming back from that. I... I just have to own it. I am what I am."

"No," Max said vehemently. "You are more than a killer, or an assassin. This was justice for that girl and all the other girls. You helped them and you helped me when we didn't have any other way to get help. I'd given up on the cure, and I bet they'd given up on anyone caring about what that bastard did to them. You also saved every other girl that guy would have raped and the cops would have ignored."

Alec's face was carefully blank, but his eyes were starting to shine with tears. He blinked them away. "Don't make me out to be some hero, Max. I wanted the cure and I killed a guy in cold blood to get it. He... He said..."

"What?"

"He offered to up my price. He said he could offer us... Doesn't matter how much. Point is, for a second, I thought about it. I thought about what we could do with that kind of money."

"But you didn't accept it." That much was obvious.

"No, I killed him like I was supposed to." His voice cracked. "But those moments where I was thinking about taking his offer… Those keep coming back to me as much as anything."

She could see the guilt on his face, that he'd considered taking the money even for a second. The thing was, she knew that if it had been in the months right after he'd escaped from Manticore, he probably would have taken the money. Max also didn't fail to notice he'd said what _we_ could do with the money. He'd thought about what the money could do for Terminal City. Alec had changed so much since leaving Manticore, and he just didn't see it. That what he'd done was bothering him this much was a sign of just how much he had changed.

"When it comes down to it, I'm not a hero," he said, oblivious to her thoughts. "I'm just a merc, Max, a hired gun. That's all."

She took a second to figure out how to say what she wanted. "Yeah, we're mercenaries, in a way. We work for each other though. We take care of each other and that's what you did. That's the payment we get now. It's not like Manticore."

Alec shrugged, and she wasn't sure if anything was helping. After all, he'd heard her and Joshua discuss what happened over and over.

"I've done a lot of things I wish I could take back," she said, and far too many faces flashed before her eyes, "but I can't. We make the best decisions we can and..." She shook her head. "Some work out, some don't. Sometimes people get hurt who deserve it and sometimes it's people who are totally innocent. What you did," she sat closer, willing him to listen, "this wasn't even like that. He was evil and you were helping."

"Yeah, but it was a contract. You didn't take a contract," Alec countered.

"No," she admitted.

"Tell me this." He looked her straight in the eye. "If you'd been the one to go for the cure… would you have killed him?"

Max felt her stomach sink. Could she have killed the guy, even knowing what he'd done? Could she have done it to get the cure? She looked away.

"Yeah," Alec said. "That's what I thought."

"Alec-"

He scooted back down in the bed and pulled the covers around him. "I need to rest, Max."

Max got up off the bed. Guess she was spending the night on the sofa.

* * *

 _We'll wrap it up tomorrow…_


	8. Chapter 8

_It's Christmas and we all deserve a nice fluffy ending, so here we go_.

Chapter Eight

* * *

December (Continued)

Max smiled at the sight of the small tree Alec had cut down the day before and dragged into their cabin. He and Joshua had decorated it with bits of twine and berries and painted pine cones and such. Christmas was the next day and Joshua had been excited to celebrate now that Alec was awake.

Alec was still a bit weak, but he was recovering quickly. Manticore had made them to be nearly indestructible, and Alec's body was working overtime to repair the damage. Now that he was eating and his body had the necessary fuel, it would only be a few days before he was completely healed.

His body might be almost well, but his mind was still troubled. Since the night they'd talked, he'd been better than before they left Terminal City, but he wasn't quite his old self. She could only hope that the things he'd heard while they'd thought he was sleeping had helped, combined with Joshua's reassurances, as well as Max's.

If she had to guess, the most helpful thing had been her refusal to throw him out of their little camp. He'd awakened the next morning fully expecting her to toss him out on his ear. Max had simply told him that they needed to get him back in fighting shape and had given him more food. She'd then helped him up, and helped him dress.

She'd been used to dealing with a naked Alec while he was sleeping. A naked awake Alec had been a far more daunting task. He hadn't said a word, or done anything embarrassing, but Max wasn't blind and Alec was… well, Alec. He'd always radiated a certain appeal. Now that his eyes were open, and he was talking, it had returned full force.

Having him awake, though, was a gift in and of itself. She'd just _missed_ him, and she felt almost giddy to have him by her side again. She'd been thinking long and hard about her feelings and reactions toward Alec, and had been ever since they'd arrived at Hood River. She'd come to a few conclusions, several of which had surprised her.

The door flew open on a gust of wind and Alec stomped inside. He was carrying an armful of wood and closed the door behind him. He kicked off his snow covered boots by the door and deposited the wood beside the fire, throwing another log on before shrugging out of the coat Max had found for him.

"Thanks," she said, scrunching up so he would have room to sit on the sofa with her. "Wasn't really looking forward to going out there."

He nodded and sat down. "Least I can do since you still won't take the bed."

"I'm not the one recovering from a traumatic brain injury."

He shrugged. "Still."

"How you feeling?" she asked.

"Fine. Little tired, but ok." He rubbed a hand over his face and hair brushing away a few remaining snowflakes. "Ran into Mole out there."

Max just raised her eyebrows in question.

"He wanted me to tell you that Logan called again. He was hoping to talk to you."

Max nodded. He'd called a couple of times now, and Max had been trying to decide whether or not to call him back. It just seemed like an exercise in futility. She and Logan were over. He was just prolonging the agony, not that there was much at this point. She'd made her decision and so had he. Her luck, while she was talking to him, someone in the background would casually mention that she was living with Alec now and Logan would get that look like someone had just kicked his dog.

Max looked over at Alec. Living with an awake Alec the last couple of days had been a pleasant surprise. He was excessively neat and had gone out of his way to make himself useful. She wondered how much of that was listening to her gripe about how useless he was while sleeping, or maybe it was his way of trying to make amends for what he'd done, not that he needed to. It might also be that he was still afraid she'd kick him out, not just of the cabin, but of their little enclave.

Truth was, she'd grown used to having him around, and now to having him close. She'd feel a bit lost if she had to stay there alone. She was grateful, however, that he could look after himself now. Cleaning and caring for a six foot coma patient was not something she ever wanted to do again.

"Max?" he prompted, and she realized she'd been quiet too long.

She shrugged. "Got nothing to say to him."

He eyed her warily. "But… the cure. He would have had the last shot by now. They would have checked the titers. He's probably calling to say it worked."

"Doesn't matter anymore. I mean… if we cross paths it'll be nice not to kill him and all, but…" She shrugged again. "He's in Toronto and I'm here, so, no point really."

"I-"

"If you're about to say what you did was for nothing, I'm gonna hit you."

He looked shocked. "What?"

"The cure. What you did. It wasn't for nothing."

"But-"

"I know what you did and what it's cost you," she said straightly. "And I'm… grateful."

"How can you say that?" he murmured. "I saw your face, Max."

"When?"

"When I asked if you would have killed him." He pressed his lips together. "You looked… disgusted."

Max didn't give him a flippant answer. This was too important. His future, his sanity, might depend on it.

"You're right," she finally said. "I can't say I would have been able to kill him. Doing that, taking a life, it's not an easy thing and it shouldn't be. I still remember the face of the first guy we killed when I was a kid." She took a calming breath as the images from that day washed over her. "Those kinds of things should be imprinted in our memory so it's never easy to off somebody. When I got out, I made rules for myself just like you did. I still refuse to carry a gun. It's one of my rules."

"And you won't break yours," he said, implying he had.

She continued as if he hadn't interrupted. "If the doc you met had given me that price, I'd have probably walked away. I know if it was just for the cure, I couldn't have done it. I couldn't kill someone just so I could touch Logan."

Alec opened his mouth to say something, but Max stopped him by taking his hand. Over the past weeks, she'd become very used to touching him and there was no reticence now.

"And even if I'd known that guy was a rapist piece of garbage, I don't know if I could have done it. I probably would have tried threatening him, or getting him fired or arrested for something else."

"I know you wouldn't have done it, Max. I _know_ ," he said, and he looked lower than a snake's belly. His hand tightened on hers as if afraid she would pull away.

"Tell me this," she said. "You were gone over two weeks. It only took a few minutes to kill him. What were you doing the rest of the time?"

"Working on my tan," he said off-handedly. "It was California."

"You were trying to work something out, weren't you?"

He sighed. "Yeah. I tried to talk to the doctor. When that didn't work, I tried…" He trailed off and just shrugged. "Nothing worked. I found the reports about the other girls, but nothing did any good. I finally went to see the professor and he…" Alec grimaced. "Max, our handlers at Manticore, the things they did, that they made us do… The professor was like that. There was no remorse. It was his right to do and take what he wanted. He pulled out his checkbook like it was business as usual to pay people to look the other way."

Max scooted closer. "Alec, just because I couldn't do it, doesn't mean it didn't need to be done. I'm sorry it had to be you, but I'm not sorry it happened."

"I just..." He glanced at her, his brows furrowed. "My conscience, if I even have one, is so messed up. Sometimes I don't know right and wrong. I just don't have a good handle on it. Manticore beat blind obedience into us, and it's hard for me to tell sometimes. I… I knew you would have found another way, but I just couldn't find one and I couldn't leave that son of a bitch there to do it again and-"

Max stopped him with a kiss.

When she pulled back, Alec sat there stunned. "What was that for?" he whispered.

"Yes, you're a hot mess," she answered, "but you did good. Stop worrying that you messed this one up."

Alec didn't move, simply looked at her, as if trying to decide what to make of her. Slowly, very slowly, a grin began to spread across his lips. "You think I'm hot?"

"I just kissed you, didn't I?" She cocked her head to the side. "And I think I said hot mess. There is a difference."

A frown appeared. "But Logan-"

"Left," she said, cutting him off. "And you came back to me, even when you thought I'd kick your ass for messing up. Which you didn't. Kinda says something, don't you think?"

"You were supposed to have the cure for Christmas."

"It's the thought that counts?" She raised her eyebrows.

"I _thought_ you were supposed to be with Logan."

Max stood up. She was tired of sleeping on the sofa. She was still holding Alec's hand and she tugged on it until he too stood up.

She nudged him toward the bed.

He raised an eyebrow. "Little early isn't it?"

"Wasn't planning on sleeping," she replied archly.

"Max?"

"I've had a lot of time to think while you were out," she said. "I thought about why I was so desperate to help you and how much I missed you and I decided I didn't want that to happen again."

"You missed me?" His expression headed toward smug.

She smacked a hand against his chest. "How many times did I tell you that?"

"I guess I... I was having trouble hearing what you were saying," he admitted.

"Then listen to me now. We're good, you and me. You _did_ good. I'm not mad. There's nothing to be mad about. You got it?"

"Got it," he said with a nod, and for the first time she believed him. His stance was relaxed and he looked lighter, easier than he had in months.

"About time," she muttered under her breath.

"So tell me what else you decided while you were doing all this thinking." He stepped closer to her, and put his hands on her hips. They were warm and she could feel each individual finger as he slid his hands beneath the hem of her sweater to settle against her bare skin. "Because while I was a captive audience, I had a lot of time to think, too."

"Yeah?"

"Not much else to do but listen. So what did you decide?"

"I decided all this time I was looking for the cure, I was missing what was right in front of me. I was waiting for your Christmas gift to be finished, but I was ignoring the important part."

"What part?" He frowned in confusion.

"It's Christmas, Alec. It's not the gift that's important. It's the giver."

"Max," he said, his tone hushed, "I just wanted you to be happy."

"You're awake. I am happy." She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him close. She'd been separated from Logan for years. She was never going to keep someone she cared about at arm's length again. Not if she could help it.

He looked down at her, his face so close Max could see the freckles across the bridge of his nose and the flecks in his green eyes. "You want to know what I decided while I was listening to you?" he asked.

"What?"

"Well, a couple of things, really."

"The bed's waiting, Alec."

"Bossy." He grinned. "One, I decided that making me listen to your sponge baths was next to torture."

Max turned pink remembering all the things she'd done and said. She had a feeling Alec would be bringing up little tidbits of her ramblings for years to come.

"Careful, buddy. I gave you plenty of baths. You should appreciate that, at least."

"Oh, I remember," he said, his mouth quirking up on one side. "I remember a few choice comments as well."

"Hey," she shrugged, going for nonchalant, "I got eyes. I was just tellin' it like it is."

He let out a small chuff of a laugh, then his expression became more serious. "The second thing I decided was that if I lived, I liked being around you, and I was going to stay close, even if you wanted me to leave. I'd have found a cabin or built one or something."

"You had to have heard me and Joshua say over and over that we didn't blame you."

"I didn't believe it," he said quietly. "I couldn't. I thought you were just saying it because you thought I was going to die."

"You came close," she whispered. She gave in to the temptation and rested her head against his chest. She'd lain awake so many nights with her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Now that she knew he'd been awake, she knew he'd remember that as well.

Alec wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "Thank you, Max."

She didn't know if he was thanking her for taking care of him, or talking to him to keep him going, or for convincing him that what he did was ok. Maybe it was all three. It didn't really matter, though. She wasn't going to let go of him. During the past months, she'd said over and over that Alec was too important, and it had finally dawned on her, that what she'd meant was that Alec was too important to _her_. She'd been waiting for the cure, and it didn't even matter.

Max pulled back slightly, and looked up. Alec looked down at her, his mouth a hairsbreadth from hers. "Merry Christmas, Alec."

Alec closed the distance and kissed her. It began as a tentative exploration, waiting to see if she would turn him away. When she didn't, he clasped her tightly, and kissed her until she was breathless.

"Merry Christmas, Maxie."

* * *

 _Thank you for each and every kind word and review. I never know if I'll write another DA story and the reviews are the only thing that keep me going. Hope you enjoyed this one and Merry Christmas!_


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